Take a moment to think about the family traditions you grew up with at home. There may have been annual family picnics in the summer with laughter and story-telling, Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa’s with an abundance of gifts, a delicious Passover Seder at your aunt’s home, or a Thanksgiving dinner where everyone went around the table and said what they were thankful for.

What, specifically, were the traditions celebrated in your family? And how do you feel when you think about each of these events? What types of memories and emotions do they evoke? Sometimes we feel sheer joy and love with the events of the past…and sometimes we feel an uneasiness and a need to do it differently.

Look at the traditions now that are a part of your current adult life. Do you ever:

• Feel “obligated” to participate in traditions?
• Experience stress either before or during traditions?
• Find yourself thinking about how you would like to do it another way?

If you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions, then it’s time to do some re-evaluating.

According to Webster’s dictionary, “tradition” means “The handing down of…customs by word-of-mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction.” Interesting. “…without written instruction.” That means, then, that we get to create the traditions as we go along! Just because we grew up with a particular tradition and had fun with it, does not mean that it still makes sense for us or that it even serves us and our needs.

And now, you have a family of your own! A family with its own dynamics, its own uniqueness, and its own desires. Now is the time to start establishing your own special family traditions. Rally the members of your family and especially include children in the discussion so that they feel a sense of ownership. Have fun with this! Come together as a group and discuss the following:

1. What are the traditions we currently observe that we want to keep…and what are the ones we want to change?
2. What are the events in our life, as a family, that we want to routinely highlight and celebrate?
3. When we celebrate, what makes us feel good? Is it a meal together? A day at the park? A trip to the zoo? Or maybe it’s even a surprise event planned by different members of the family?
4. In the traditions we establish, how can we honor and value each family member so that we’re all an equal part?
5. Where do we need to say “no” in our lives…so that we can say a bigger “Yes!” to establishing our new traditions?

Remember one thing: This is about you. This is about your family. While everyone else has well-meaning ideas for what you should do or how you should live your life, only you and your family know the real deal. Take some time to think about when your kids are off in their lives as adults, looking back on their family life and smiling. What are the traditions that you will have want to set in place to help put that smile there?