Right now. This is a special time in your life. You and your spouse are the heads of your “family”…the social unit comprised of the two of you and your child or children. What an important role! Your children depend on you to nurture them, care for them, and teach them how to be responsible citizens in our world. Are you ready for the task?!

In order to fully be the best parent you can be to your children, it is absolutely essential that you take care of yourself first, both individually and as a couple. Think about the last time you were on an airplane. Remember before takeoff how the flight attendant instructed passengers that in the event of cabin pressure loss to secure your own oxygen mask first before assisting others? Powerful. And so it goes as we care for our children and families. We cannot be truly effective until we’ve taken care of our own needs first.

Later in life, many couples talk about the “empty nest syndrome” when their children leave the house, and they are faced with…each other. For years, they were so focused on raising the children, that they neglected to connect to one another as an adult couple in a loving relationship. And then all of a sudden there are years and years of backtracking, trying to find each other again and remember what it was that once drew them together in the first place. It can be an incredibly awkward, confusing, and lonely journey.

The good news is that you can be proactive about this now! Recognize the importance of you and your spouse as the “foundation” for your family; as a separate entity that needs to be nourished, cared for, and attended to. Take a moment to think about what you would like your relationship with your spouse to look like once the kids have developed wings and created a life of their own. What are the two of you doing? What are you saying to each other? How do you interact together?

Hold on to that vision and set aside time to talk through this with your partner. Get his or her ideas of what the future holds for the two of you. Discuss the possibilities and what an ideal relationship is for the two of you. Then come back to the “now.” Decide what it is that the two of you need to do to maintain that vision and nurture it. Is it scheduling a date-night every other Thursday? Is it a special, secret tradition where only the two of you are ‘in the know’? Or maybe a sitter whisks the kids away for an afternoon so you get to indulge in an adults-only retreat in your own home?

Whatever it is, embrace the importance of it.

Nurture your adult needs and your adult relationship. Make time you, and make time for the two of you. Not only will this do wonders for your relationship, but in the meantime, your children will be watching you and they’ll be learning that their parents are people, too, and that your lives are important. Your children will grow up understanding the importance of self-care, and I don’t know that there is a better gift than that.