Have you ever been in someone’s home and there is total chaos?  The kids seem to be the ones in charge, rules and order are lacking, and discipline is a foreign word when it comes to unruly behavior.  Or maybe you are even thinking that this vision is reminiscent of your own home?!  Regardless of whose home we’re talking about here, chaos never serves anyone.  Understanding that chaos is the natural resulting state of no expectations or boundaries, the simple remedy, then, is to instate some new guidelines at home…for a peaceful, more sane way of living.  And who wouldn’t want that?

In a business example, the Gallup Organization has found that in order for employees to be more “engaged” in their jobs, one of the necessary components is that they know what is expected of them.  Have you ever been in a job or role where you wondered what the heck you were really supposed to do?  That can be pretty confusing!  When we don’t know what is expected of us, we feel lost, confused, and even like we’d rather be somewhere else.  Such is life in our families, too.  Our children need to know—and yearn to know—what we expect of them and what their role is in the family.  You might even think of it as a “job description.”

Together with your spouse (and with your children if they are old enough), decide on the house rules.  What’s the process for dirty laundry?  What are the guidelines when sitting down to eat together?  What’s okay and what’s not okay around the issue of TV viewing?  The more clear you can become on the house rules, the more everyone else will be clear on what is expected of them.  And the more everyone knows what is expected of them, the greater the chance of successful, happy, well-behaved kids. 

Remember, too, that in everything you do (everything!), you are training your kids how to treat you, how to respect themselves and others, and what is expected in your home.

Once you have decided on family expectations, be sure to set clear boundaries.  Children need to understand boundaries so that they learn to create healthy ones for themselves.  For example, if an older child feels it’s okay to go into a younger sibling’s room and take some of their belongings…a boundary has been crossed.  That room belongs to the sibling, and an expectation you may have set earlier is that family members need to ask before taking something and calling it theirs.  Personal boundaries are important.  This will also demonstrate respect between siblings.

So setting expectations comes first, so that everyone knows what to expect.  And then boundaries need to be honored so that everyone is respected.  You do not have to figure this out alone!  Spend some time with your spouse discussing this to find out what would work best in your family.  Every family is unique and what works for one family will not work for the next.  If your kids are old enough, talk to them about this and create “buy-in” so that they get to help in creating the rules.  Talk to other parents for ideas and to find out what works for them.  Join a parents’ group.  Talk.  And keep talking until you find the right fit for your family.

Michelle Stimpson is a Professional Coach who empowers her clients to slow down, get clear on priorities, and create a life of purpose. She leads an “Ultimate Living” program for women who, in the busyness of today’s world, want a simple solution to get out of overwhelm and stay out…forever!  Michelle can be reached through her website at www.lifeshinecoaching.com.