"I don't give some kids Cs or Ds any more." These are the words of a high school teacher who approached me after a workshop.

"Why?" I asked, assuming that I would hear how tired she was of arguing with a few chronically griping kids. But the teacher was trying to avoid another group instead.

"I don't want to fight with the parents anymore," she explained.

Every time I share this anecdote in teacher workshops I see a room full of heads nodding in agreement. I have come to realize that parents are taking on teachers all over the country. It's an epidemic. Some argue about grades, some over cell phone confiscations and other discipline issues. The results are the same: more and more parents fighting with teachers rather than working with them.

My biggest concern here is not for the teachers. It's for the kids. Fighting battles for kids at school can set a dangerous pattern. Mom or dad goes to school, yells at teacher, problem gets solved. Any kid will very quickly figure out the rule: if I can get mom or dad to fight with teacher, I'm off scot-free.

The kid is the real loser in this situation. School is not only the place for children to learn the academic skills they'll need to succeed in life. It's also the place where they need to learn responsibility and accountability.

School administrators tell me that some parents view visiting schools the way they view airing a grip at the local discount store. "They think that because they're paying tuition or taxes then they are entitled to get what they want." So if parents think that their son or daughter deserves a better grade or if a punishment is too severe they approach the school the same way they handle a consumer complaint-they insist, argue, bully, and threaten.

Of course it's important to step up for our kids. And a legitimate complaint is a legitimate complaint, but schools aren't stores and teachers aren't cashiers. As parents, we need to help schools do what they're supposed to do: help our children prepare for successful lives.

Sometimes, however, parents have legitimate worries. And when that's the case, there are ways to handle the matter.

1. Listen carefully to your child's side of the story. There may be more to the story than meets the eye.
2. Don't assume that your son's or daughter's version is the truth.
3. Don't promise you will battle with a teacher for your child.
4. Conversations with a teacher about a concern should be private.
5. Approach a teacher as someone on the same team. Listen to the teacher's concerns.
6. Always share your concerns in a respectful and non-threatening way.
7. Ask how you can support the teacher.

Remember, your son or daughter will be better served if parents and teachers are teammates. Work together to make sure that the kids not only learn their subjects but also learn that respect, responsibility, and accountability are just as important as getting good grades.

David Walsh, Ph.D. is the founder of the MediaWise Movement, a program of the National Institute on Media and the Family (www.mediawise.org). His latest book, No: Why Kids - of All Ages - Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press) is available in bookstores.